Far From Home

When you lose yourself, best-case scenario is you find yourself again. Worst-case scenario?

It usually starts by taking your eyes off your way, to look back maybe. Or even worse, you are moving forward but you are moving towards something that's not really there. It's like you're driven by something that's eating you up with every step, and at some point you realize you can't go on because there's not enough of you left.

Sometimes it feels like everything is against you, like it's what they call the perfect storm. And no matter how hard you try to hold it together, no matter how strong you fight to be, sometimes strong is not enough.

You stop being who you are. You may not even recognize who you are. You learn to live with an unbearable silence because you can’t explain what you are going through. You doubt everything you ever believed was there in you, and you doubt every word people might say to convince you that you are still you. For some reason, their words seem so unbelievable, like they are talking about someone else, someone you used to know, someone you even wish you could be.

One of the most painful experiences is living your life as a stranger, and not wanting to live it because it hurts so much...

When you try to find some reason for what you are going through, you end up feeling devastated. You end up feeling empty because you are not sure of anything anymore. All your wishes, all your memories, all your feelings, all your fears, all your thoughts, all your worries,  all your questions and all your answers, they all play like a sad movie, a sad song that brings tears to your eyes. And you just don't understand what could have possibly happened to make you suffer like that. 

But you know what hurts the most?

It is knowing that deep inside you, you've locked a part of you that promised not to ever leave, and to always remind you of all that you were and all that you are meant to be. It may be a person, a feeling, a memory, a bond, it may be the only thing that keeps you sane all the way long. And with all that, when you need it most, you can't reach it, even though it's trying so hard to make you see that it never left, that it believed in you and will always do. You just can't believe it. You can't understand...

Everything that used to bring you comfort now reminds you of everything you are missing, reminds you of home...

This is the worst-case scenario.
Worst-case scenario is when you can only hope that you will find your way back, when the best you can do is to trust your feet to find the path to bring you back where you belong, when you have to use the very little power left in you to smile against the ugly face of this unknown world and say it like you mean it, "I choose the best-case scenario. I will find myself again..."